Things I have learned after he had gone


I do not remember when this photo was taken.
But it feels so safe that the things I do not remember confirm the facts I have learnt.

I am an only child.
But I grew up by saying brother to my cousin.

This photo. Aren’t we look alike siblings?

Cause I was feeling that way.

Today , it has been 1 year that he is passed away.

1 year.
How did I cope ?

I said to myself he is away as if he was in a business trip.
Later when I realized I miss him and I want to talk.

That was hard. I looked back. I evaluate the life conditions , the marriage, the work life, family relationships, his will to move to Australia…

I assume that life will be hard for him. Maybe he will be unhappy another form of misery he will try to bear…

Then I procrastinate to miss him…

But there were some moments. So sudden.
One song.
One photo.
One word.

I immediately cried. The fact that he will NEVER come back. I face it. I accept it. Then there is nothing to do.

Leave it.


This is the enterance of cemetery. The acceptance point.
Today I was there.
I talked to them. Cause my brother and grandpa are in the same grave.

I talked them what I had done so far.
How was Australia ?
A self inner peace that I tried to find.
A help of salvation of my sins.

Then I visited the mosque.
I am not neither a dedicated Muslim nor an atheist.
I believe the power of something and places.

This mosque under the snow was so pretty. Covering my beloved ones.


The fountain in the center for men to clean themselves before the pray.


Again the ceiling. I am amazed each time.


This is the outer fountain .

Old architecture, memories, New pain, 1 year, religion, losses…

Do not procrastinate your regrets. I can only say that.


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