Dutch way, self talks


Nowadays I am so chilled so peaceful…

Things are smooth. Christmas is on the corner!

My boyfriend’s friends are coming for Christmas. He is bringing his girlfriend.

So we will be accelerator during their serious leveling up process.

So I did iron, dishes and cleaning today.

But a holiday mood boosts my mood!

Last week it was snowing❄️⛄️ I wish the same for christmas

Happy holidays


Black and White in a city

Today I took many black&white photographs in Eindhoven to join a photography competition.

I realized even the buildings are in a modern shape and new. Black and white European city photography reminds me only war. WWII specifically.

Here are the few of them.


Decision point

Today I confessed my friend who is also my boss that

After 3 gun
I slept with one of my colleagues.

He believes that I am far More good for him.
.but I said that I am just an one night stand for him. He doesn’t and never wants me as a lover. I am far more bad choice for him.

So what do I want ?

Being the best choice of a man that I like but I don’t love and prefer


Being the normal / one night stand of choice of the guy That I adore and love ?

What ?

Which you chose ?



Spoiler: this article contains winging,desperatism, self~destructive sentences..

Me , failed.
I am so tired of trying to making happy and satisfied the men whom are already in pain of being rejected by a beautiful woman who reminds me and reveals that I am ugly.

I don’t know how long I have been involved this circle. But I think since I was in kindergarden and the boy I like confess his very berry his first love for the most beautiful girl in the class.

Since that moment all the guys I like and the guy I love him pointed my class of beauty to me.
A third class ticket to love.
If I am lucky enough I can watch the first class attendees behind the window and adore them…

Again the scenario was not a surprised. The guy I have been flirting and really like him was in love pain…
And he say in sum I am fat and not beautiful but noticeable among the crowd and also sexy due to my big breasts.
Which means you are fuckable but definitely not loveable.

A mistress for first class love. My role.
A mistress who is the weirdo of the first class love a misinterpreted piece for the puzzle or a fake Louis vitton bag on an arm of a shanty town girl…

I am ugly.
Nobody will love me.
Face it.


Cure: watch downton Abbey accompanied by dilmah English breakfast tea . Exceptional.
Fake hours to feel special as if I am exceptional for someone else.
Creating a day dream habitat with the help of inspirational downtown Abbey

Good night


Hometown again

I am back from sydney
The chapter is closed.
Not the way that I expected. But ok.  Gone is gone.

1 week off.  And i came to my sacred place in my hometown.
The backyard.
The hotel in which I buried my hopes my dreams about the guy I only loved.


Now I enjoy autumn in this beautiful backyard by taking some notes about Sociology and space drinking tea.. 


Autumn when it is sunny always so nice. Isn’t it?


Work, cry and pray


After work,
After I had cried a lot.
I prayed.
I found the biggest mosque on my way, I covered my head and prayed the way that I want and know.
There would be no difference if I had seen a church or a temple.
Ok, be realistic.  I am in turkey, what can I expect ?

I worked for living.
I cried for my brother.
I prayed for “him”. And for my brother to rest in peace. And a new living in london.
We will see

The photo credit is to me.
Ulucami is the name of mosque.