Today

Today I am calm. A perfect sun but a chill weather lick my soul. I am preparing for spring. I am fighting with my anxiety. About school, about after school about his parents and his family, about my family…. but good weather helps and my dreams help. I was going to AUS in my dream….

For him

I was lost. I lost my motivation, my aim… I was stuck the past. Today was enough. He was enough. He is still enough by the way. Why am I doing this fucking master? I was frustrated of unsuccessful attempts for assignments, homework… Lack of time management! But today I remember , I need to…

Oisterwijk

Yesterday, while I was going to the university, I was astonished again by a Small town called Oisterwijk. I decided to go there after school ofcourse if he agrees with me and has a lust to go there. Thanks to sunshine and his boredom at work, it was so easy to convince him. The town…

Tributes to every piece of mine

Today there was a festival at the Philips De Jongh park in Eindhoven. The theme was Happy Sunday ! And at the stage there were only Tribute groups. Red Hot Chili Peppers Amy Winehouse Queen Led Zeplin I only listened Amy Winehouse band. The band was so successful . The vokal is dressed similar as…

Goodbye 30

I fulfilled 30 years on earth. As a human, woman, Middle Eastern, heart broken, hardworking, standing alone for herself, frightened, misunderstood, beloved, loving creature… I love the journey. Each year it gets harder, so the pleasure I got become more…. I did not feel the years of 20s, I lived every second of my 20s…

Wait to write about feelings and future

I have lost my inner-peace. Don’t ask why , I lost. This lost inner-peace leaks in each conversation with my husband. I do not like his family, I do not find him beautiful, I cannot see any chemistry between us. Even writing the sentences above took grand time for me. Because writing about my feelings,…

Jealousy Question

I am a jealous person in general. I can be jealous of a smile, a dinner date, a like on instagram . But this jealousy is not limited with my boyfriend, husband. It could be my mom, my dad, my manager, my neighbour ?! So sometimes I believe this is pathetic and I need a…