Dutch way, self talks

Relief

Nowadays I am so chilled so peaceful…

Things are smooth. Christmas is on the corner!

My boyfriend’s friends are coming for Christmas. He is bringing his girlfriend.

So we will be accelerator during their serious leveling up process.

So I did iron, dishes and cleaning today.

But a holiday mood boosts my mood!

Last week it was snowing❄️⛄️ I wish the same for christmas

Happy holidays

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netherlands

Une belle historie

I love every version of that song. Simple words, relaxing melody and cozy voice…

Nostalgia is not the only thing that made me feel connected to the song, but that cozy and unrushed way of singing…

Please listen the song on Eva sur Seine version. https://open.spotify.com/track/654RprVvr0L8l6wm7XEHci?si=W2Hc9e7vSsW1sAIM6VbZRg

That’s my pick for this autumn. Autumn is really beautiful here. Because we have trees and for a few days we have only sun and cold weather.

My favorite items 🙂

simply happy

Oisterwijk

Yesterday, while I was going to the university, I was astonished again by a Small town called Oisterwijk.

I decided to go there after school ofcourse if he agrees with me and has a lust to go there.

Thanks to sunshine and his boredom at work, it was so easy to convince him.

The town was prettier and cozier than I saw while trespassing by the train.

Old but fancy people were at the restaurants drinking wine, some old ladies were driving cabrio cars.

For an hour we project our retirement plans. Coziness of this town enchanted us.

There were issues we need to discuss, but we postponed . Just talked how we feel, an openair therapy session was the thing we need.

Please visit this town if you want to calm down yourselves. But ofcourse sunshine makes it perfect.

Uncategorized

Tributes to every piece of mine

Today there was a festival at the Philips De Jongh park in Eindhoven.

The theme was Happy Sunday ! And at the stage there were only Tribute groups.

Red Hot Chili Peppers

Amy Winehouse

Queen

Led Zeplin

I only listened Amy Winehouse band. The band was so successful . The vokal is dressed similar as Amy. Her voice is strong ! The songs they performed were well picked .

Amy was such a transparent song writer and performer . She was special indeed she still is..

so this tribute was everything that I am looking for this weekend.

I am having major problems with my H’s family. They do not behave equal between their sons and we feel this a lot !

Now I learned that they do not want me in their family from the beginning.

Anyway messed people, ignorant personalities … My H is the only contact with them.

So This week I was depressed and exhausted psychologically ..

This thing – flying chairs was also a great tribute to my childhood , easy days.

Nice chill out day and a really happy sunday at the end !

Uncategorized

Goodbye 30

I fulfilled 30 years on earth.

As a human, woman, Middle Eastern, heart broken, hardworking, standing alone for herself, frightened, misunderstood, beloved, loving creature…

I love the journey. Each year it gets harder, so the pleasure I got become more….

I did not feel the years of 20s, I lived every second of my 20s as free and full of experiences as possible .

But now moving towards 30 to 31 made me responsible and mature against others.

And when I experienced everything I want; universe and life gave me unconditional affection but not love. That was I had been looking for.

As I became mature, I became more more beautiful, confident, sexy, charming…

Goodbye 30, I had had waited for you so long, please now leave me with what you had come along with…

self talks

Wait to write about feelings and future

I have lost my inner-peace.

Don’t ask why , I lost.

This lost inner-peace leaks in each conversation with my husband. I do not like his family, I do not find him beautiful, I cannot see any chemistry between us.

Even writing the sentences above took grand time for me.

Because writing about my feelings, future with such edgy thoughts will make them absolute.

Before I write they were assumptions.

Now they turned into confessions…

We discussed, we fought over the thoughts… he mention on divorce.

Is it real ? Yes. We barely one year married and in the first fight, he talked about divorce!

I am extremely , crystal clear about the words I said him. Because I know that they are real , they are my facts. Not any forecast or blackmail.

I am heart broken .

All the pieces of my broken heart is a big messed up puzzle

self talks

Notes and questions to myself

This bouquet is beautiful. Isn’t it ?

What is beauty ? Who is beautiful ?

How come humans cannot be objective on such a measurable matter ?

If your face is symmetric and proportional , you are beautiful. I mean informatics said like that. At my university, I attended a master thesis study that proves this thesis.

Anyway, I don’t understand how come people can find beautiful some girls , that I am disgusted. Or vice versa.

By the way I am talking about appearance , physical beauty, facial features.

I declare myself as an objective person, even sometimes I underestimate myself to be objective to eliminate the possibility of bias from any comparison.

Ok now I am talking, there is a girl. I found so artificial. Her plastic surgery on nose and fillers in lips create an artificial face.

At first glance, she looks attractive because on media whatever is served as beautiful she transformed herself into that model. Kardashian/Jenner I mean.

But this artificial beauty hides herself alone. Therefore She is just a replica, a bad one. But everyone finds her beautiful including mine closest ones.

I object this.

I hate her because everyone see her as the one.

And she is really fake. A fake gucci bag on paris streets.

Why no one cannot see this ?

Why beauty is relative , meaningless !