simply happy


Yesterday, while I was going to the university, I was astonished again by a Small town called Oisterwijk.

I decided to go there after school ofcourse if he agrees with me and has a lust to go there.

Thanks to sunshine and his boredom at work, it was so easy to convince him.

The town was prettier and cozier than I saw while trespassing by the train.

Old but fancy people were at the restaurants drinking wine, some old ladies were driving cabrio cars.

For an hour we project our retirement plans. Coziness of this town enchanted us.

There were issues we need to discuss, but we postponed . Just talked how we feel, an openair therapy session was the thing we need.

Please visit this town if you want to calm down yourselves. But ofcourse sunshine makes it perfect.


Goodbye 30

I fulfilled 30 years on earth.

As a human, woman, Middle Eastern, heart broken, hardworking, standing alone for herself, frightened, misunderstood, beloved, loving creature…

I love the journey. Each year it gets harder, so the pleasure I got become more….

I did not feel the years of 20s, I lived every second of my 20s as free and full of experiences as possible .

But now moving towards 30 to 31 made me responsible and mature against others.

And when I experienced everything I want; universe and life gave me unconditional affection but not love. That was I had been looking for.

As I became mature, I became more more beautiful, confident, sexy, charming…

Goodbye 30, I had had waited for you so long, please now leave me with what you had come along with…

self talks

Wait to write about feelings and future

I have lost my inner-peace.

Don’t ask why , I lost.

This lost inner-peace leaks in each conversation with my husband. I do not like his family, I do not find him beautiful, I cannot see any chemistry between us.

Even writing the sentences above took grand time for me.

Because writing about my feelings, future with such edgy thoughts will make them absolute.

Before I write they were assumptions.

Now they turned into confessions…

We discussed, we fought over the thoughts… he mention on divorce.

Is it real ? Yes. We barely one year married and in the first fight, he talked about divorce!

I am extremely , crystal clear about the words I said him. Because I know that they are real , they are my facts. Not any forecast or blackmail.

I am heart broken .

All the pieces of my broken heart is a big messed up puzzle


Berlin again

W my boyfriend now, wiehnachts markets, Jewish museum, night clubs…

With this visit I invited him to my city, I overwrite the memories… He Entered the roads, the restaurants, the bars which are beautiful for me and my ex boyfriend whom I was love in with… 

He still did not say I love you.. 

But my friends here said again and again I love you to me, which made me feel more comfortable than the prospected one.. 

The funny thing he was so willing to come Berlin so I thought hmmm Berlin my city, maybe he has a surprise?

No surprise, tomorrow we are going back.
He is snoring right now.





So I let Berlin to talk to you with its beauty


Happy merry christmas

Today I am in Ankara.

Capital city of Turkey where my childhood and collage years had passed….

My first and longest love
, 5 years.
The guy that I dreamed to move Germany.
I went he did not come.
He left me on the phone.

The city is still surrendered by the memories of us.
The US that I burried a beautiful and ambitious girl..

The last words of him to be that pinar I would be with you for 2 or 3 years more but I cannot marry with you sooo goodbye. ..

The truth as a knife so sharp and real.
So true but hurting.

Now I am in the city.
My beloved university friend. My friend. Not Hims.

(Cause I was all the time with him. His friends became mine. But only her was my friend)

Drinking my gin to memories.

Happy ones.

Merry Christmas. I believe in miracles which are rarely but this year will happen to me đŸ™‚



Family heritage

Looking the photos of my recently passed  away brother, we had found some pictures of my grand-grand fathers/aunts/moms..

Due to converted arabic alphabet into latin alphabet during the establishment of republic after abolished ottoman empire, we are not able to read what had been written back side of the photos below..

We guess that they are belong to beginning of the 19th century.





me and him


Day. Daylight. People. Work.


All the things distract me from thinking of you.
It is like sun. I know it is there, but itself and millions of others avoid of me looking at it.


But I feel it. It warms me. It nourishes me. It makes me happy.
You are sun during the day.
But actually and love actually.
I believe that moon is more intense and intimate for us.
We can look at and we can see the same moon. We can feel it.
Maybe just five minutes ago when I was looking at the moon you were looking at too…
No distraction. No hinder. Silence. Calm wind. Light lights. Moon. Night.
I am thinking about you.


This is the moon I saw. It shelters different lights, people than yours in berlin.


But also it shelters us. You and me. And our probability.
When sun rises tomorrow, I will be still able to see moon. Silence will be inherited from the night. Hopes will be transacted from night to day with a warm wind. Clouds. Trees. Bloosoms.


Note: all photos are taken by me in bursa-turkey, varenna-italy, berlin-germany.