Today

Today I am calm. A perfect sun but a chill weather lick my soul. I am preparing for spring. I am fighting with my anxiety. About school, about after school about his parents and his family, about my family…. but good weather helps and my dreams help. I was going to AUS in my dream….

For him

I was lost. I lost my motivation, my aim… I was stuck the past. Today was enough. He was enough. He is still enough by the way. Why am I doing this fucking master? I was frustrated of unsuccessful attempts for assignments, homework… Lack of time management! But today I remember , I need to…

Oisterwijk

Yesterday, while I was going to the university, I was astonished again by a Small town called Oisterwijk. I decided to go there after school ofcourse if he agrees with me and has a lust to go there. Thanks to sunshine and his boredom at work, it was so easy to convince him. The town…

Goodbye 30

I fulfilled 30 years on earth. As a human, woman, Middle Eastern, heart broken, hardworking, standing alone for herself, frightened, misunderstood, beloved, loving creature… I love the journey. Each year it gets harder, so the pleasure I got become more…. I did not feel the years of 20s, I lived every second of my 20s…

Wait to write about feelings and future

I have lost my inner-peace. Don’t ask why , I lost. This lost inner-peace leaks in each conversation with my husband. I do not like his family, I do not find him beautiful, I cannot see any chemistry between us. Even writing the sentences above took grand time for me. Because writing about my feelings,…

Berlin again

W my boyfriend now, wiehnachts markets, Jewish museum, night clubs… With this visit I invited him to my city, I overwrite the memories… He Entered the roads, the restaurants, the bars which are beautiful for me and my ex boyfriend whom I was love in with…  He still did not say I love you..  But…

Happy merry christmas

Today I am in Ankara. Capital city of Turkey where my childhood and collage years had passed…. My first and longest love , 5 years. The guy that I dreamed to move Germany. I went he did not come. He left me on the phone. The city is still surrendered by the memories of us….