Une belle historie

I love every version of that song. Simple words, relaxing melody and cozy voice…

Nostalgia is not the only thing that made me feel connected to the song, but that cozy and unrushed way of singing…

Please listen the song on Eva sur Seine version.

That’s my pick for this autumn. Autumn is really beautiful here. Because we have trees and for a few days we have only sun and cold weather.

My favorite items 🙂

self talks

Wait to write about feelings and future

I have lost my inner-peace.

Don’t ask why , I lost.

This lost inner-peace leaks in each conversation with my husband. I do not like his family, I do not find him beautiful, I cannot see any chemistry between us.

Even writing the sentences above took grand time for me.

Because writing about my feelings, future with such edgy thoughts will make them absolute.

Before I write they were assumptions.

Now they turned into confessions…

We discussed, we fought over the thoughts… he mention on divorce.

Is it real ? Yes. We barely one year married and in the first fight, he talked about divorce!

I am extremely , crystal clear about the words I said him. Because I know that they are real , they are my facts. Not any forecast or blackmail.

I am heart broken .

All the pieces of my broken heart is a big messed up puzzle

self talks

Notes and questions to myself

This bouquet is beautiful. Isn’t it ?

What is beauty ? Who is beautiful ?

How come humans cannot be objective on such a measurable matter ?

If your face is symmetric and proportional , you are beautiful. I mean informatics said like that. At my university, I attended a master thesis study that proves this thesis.

Anyway, I don’t understand how come people can find beautiful some girls , that I am disgusted. Or vice versa.

By the way I am talking about appearance , physical beauty, facial features.

I declare myself as an objective person, even sometimes I underestimate myself to be objective to eliminate the possibility of bias from any comparison.

Ok now I am talking, there is a girl. I found so artificial. Her plastic surgery on nose and fillers in lips create an artificial face.

At first glance, she looks attractive because on media whatever is served as beautiful she transformed herself into that model. Kardashian/Jenner I mean.

But this artificial beauty hides herself alone. Therefore She is just a replica, a bad one. But everyone finds her beautiful including mine closest ones.

I object this.

I hate her because everyone see her as the one.

And she is really fake. A fake gucci bag on paris streets.

Why no one cannot see this ?

Why beauty is relative , meaningless !


Jealousy Question

I am a jealous person in general. I can be jealous of a smile, a dinner date, a like on instagram .

But this jealousy is not limited with my boyfriend, husband. It could be my mom, my dad, my manager, my neighbour ?!

So sometimes I believe this is pathetic and I need a psychologic help, but sometimes I see myself as a reactionary person against unfair situations.

Let me give an example ,

My father was dropping me off to the primary school with our neighbour’s daughter my friend , lets say Jessica.

Jessica was blonde , big blue eyes ! Also she was clever , respectful. And she was one year older than me.

We were generally good friends , talkative, but not as BFF. A good road friend lets say.

One day in the morning Jessica came our house as usual and that day my father first opened her door. Not mine.

On that moment , I was 9 years old, I feel angry, sad, jealous but also broken. How come he can first open her door ?

Does he begin to love her more than me now ? Is this a sign of this limited love ? . Is she my competitor ? What makes her special ? Why now ? Why today?

These questions can be seen a lot but in thinking pace it took a mili-second

And the content of the questions .. that is the part which problematic.

Now I am jealous of my brother-in-law’s girlfriend. Because my mother-in-law only comments under her pictures, likes it. And my husband finds her beautiful.

Childish thoughts are back. But again the question Why now and that occasion ?

Is it really they are acting differently to me than usual or unfair triggers me temptation of jealosy ?

Or is it pathetic pure jealousy ?

I cannot decide…

self talks

My new blog

Because I am still unemployed, I needed something to make me feel busy and value-generated person.

I officially opened my first travel blog !

It is in Turkish BUT I put all the restaurants and cafes I like/love in the cities w their addresses!

So, for english speakers you have the best part of the blog posts !!

I also have the insta account : bence_gidilir

I will check the stats after this post

hope you all visted and enjoy 🙂


Utrecht day

My best friend from switzerland came to visit me.

Spontaneously we went to Utrecht. We fall in love with the city.

We had an amazingly tasty breakfast at Teds Utrecht

Definitely recommended. We ordered their brunches, a french toast w mimoza and a philly steak sandwich w bloodymary. We loved the food so much next week while we were in Amsterdam we had been in Teds Amsterdam .

Philly steak is this and Amazing !!

That week in Utrecht everyone was skating on the river !!

And the rest of the city we walked. The cathedral, streets and cozy bookstores. Till next week utrecth